the void beyond what we remember
by exterminatecake
Summary: The game is over. Everything is back to normal. There never was a game. Everything is perfect. Perfect. RoseKan, JohnKat, Daverezi, and JadeFef.


**AN: Yeah, I didn't actually proofread this very well, so please let me know if you catch any errors.**

* * *

- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:02 -

GT: hey rose!

TT: Hello, John. Did you get my package?

GT: yeah, that's why i'm messaging you, actually.

GT: thank you so much! i love it!

TT: I thought you would.

GT: did you knit it yourself?

TT: Yes.

GT: awesome! i can't wait to wear it! it's so soft and warm.

GT: and the slime ghost you knitted into the end is so neat!

GT: i'll bet it took you forever!

TT: It did take a considerable amount of effort. Luckily, I had been working on it since I received your present.

GT: yeah, i'm glad you like it. anyway, just wanted to say thanks!

TT: You're welcome, John. Happy birthday.

- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 16:12 –

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 16:13 –

TG: hey man what sort of sweet loot did you rake in today

GT: rose knitted me a scarf!

GT: it has a slime ghost at the end.

GT: it is so cool.

GT: oh yeah, and i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today. the apple juice scene was so funny.

TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here

GT: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?  
TG: but

TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken

TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory

GT: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?

GT: try using your brain numbnuts.

TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like

TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous

GT: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.

TG: ok i can accept that

TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters

TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face

TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it

GT: ok.

TG: did you get my package yet

GT: i got it but i didn't open it!

TG: you should do that

GT: ok.

GT: oh my gosh!

GT: dave!

GT: it looks like the actual bunny from the movie!

TG: that's because it is

GT: wow, really?

GT: hold on, jade is pestering me.

- ghostyTrickster is now an idle chum! –

- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 16:34 –

GG: hi happy birthday john! 3

GG: helloooooo?

GG: ok i will talk to you later! :D

GT: no, wait! i'm here!

GG: oh yay!

GG: i was just about to leave :D

GT: and thanks for the birthday wishes!

GT: should i be expecting a green package in the mail sometime soon?

GG: oh no…

GG: john i am so sorry!

GG: i forgot to get you a present! D:

GT: aw, that's ok jade.

GT: it doesn't really matter.

GG: really?

GT: yeah!

GG: … hey john?

GT: yeah?

GG: this is going to sound really weird!

GG: but

GG: i was wondering

GG: do you ever feel like there's something you're missing?

GG: or… someone?

GT: no!

GT: why? should i?

GG: oh! no, just wondering.

GT: hehe, you're kind of weird, jade.

GG: hehehe! :D

GG: talk to you later!

- gardenGnostic [GG] is now an idle chum! –

* * *

"That handle never suited you, John!"

It's a whisper in the fog, the light coating of dusted white that sprinkles the air. It shimmers, like gold, like a golden promise held under the light of a gargantuan green sun, never kept.

"Too l8 now, though, isn't it?"

Obviously. It's all gone, torn to shreds, the light fading as the red and green die and spiral into nothingness. Rubies and emeralds flowing down the shower drain like liquid, but instead of merging, they separate.

Always separate.

You don't want to talk to her. You want to talk to him.

"Aaaaaaaaw, you'd choose that asshole over me? I thought what we had was special, John!"

There's an edge to her, a teasing edge, but a serious edge. One that sharpens the more you cast you thoughts into the goldwhiteredgreen fog. She sounds blue, but a sharp blue. A cutting blue. Like spiders and metal and fortune telling. A jealous blue, but a hiding jealous blue, a blue that teases instead of confronts. But only with you.

"Stupid little ecto8iologist. You'r8 supp8sed to remem8er!"

* * *

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you just had a VERY DISTURBING DREAM.

* * *

The normal darkness is cut through the middle with a jade-green swath. It smells clean and awkward, neatly-pressed and stumbling. She's there, she's not there, you don't know. You don't know anything.

"I Do Not Believe That For One Second"

The darkness is pushing on you, you're so tired. Sleep. But you are asleep. Or maybe you're awake. There's no way to tell, no way to know if the red silk flowing down your arms is blood or time or space or all three. There's green silk, too, cascading down her arms and the teeth are sharp and white and flooded with sentiment.

The rhyme and reason is nonexistent.

"You Do Realize This Is How The Game Works"

All games, always, never played and always played.

"Just This One"

Never ever ever ever more.

"You've Got To Remember Rose"

* * *

Your name is ROSE LALONDE and you just had a VERY DISTURBING DREAM.

* * *

There's heat and red and burning pressure in the sky, candy sweet and softly spicy. It burns like a knife, cuts like fire. Nothing is real, but everything is. Everything is heat and pressure and branding red, no green to be found, nothing but red-red-red-red-red-red-redredredredredredred.

"D4V3, YOU'R3 ST4ND1NG ON TH3 ONLY GR4SS"

That would be why the red is all there is. You can't see the forest, only the trees, or maybe it's the bears. There's no real way to tell.

The red doesn't touch the green.

It's just black.

"YOU'R3 NOT M4K1NG 4NY S3NS3 :["

You can hear the stupid frown in her voice. Stupid frown. . Just like the red. All the red is gone. Just green. Never mixing.

"D4V3 PL34S3 YOU'V3 GOT TO R3M3MB3R"

* * *

Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you just had a VERY DISTURBING DREAM.

* * *

You're in the ruby palace again.

It's not rubies, though, it's time and space and everything in between.

"JAD-E!"

"hey fef!"

You know it's just your imagination. You know you'll never see them again. But sometimes, it's good to pretend.

* * *

Your name is JADE HARLEY and you REALLY WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WAKE UP.

* * *

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]at 14:32 –

EB: hi jade!

EB: it's me, john!

GG: hi john! :D

GG: why the new handle?

EB: oh… i just felt like a change, is all.

GG: oh… ok.

GG: you haven't had any weird dreams or anything, have you?

You pause for a second.

A lingering glimpse in your memory, red-green-gold fog, a blue voice…

You shrug it off.

EB: nope, not really!

* * *

The dreams get more frequent.

There is another person in the fog. A shorter one, a grey voice. Louder. More annoying. The one you wanted to talk to. He's cute when he's mad.

The blue voice fades out.

You cry.

But you think you love him.

* * *

The dreams get more frequent.

The green silk girl is beautiful. The dark around her is whitedark. You think you can feel her smile in the red silk waterfall.

You think you love her.

* * *

The dreams get more frequent.

The teal voice with sharp, grating numbers is starting to grow on you. She's bitchy. You're bitchy. The red glasses fall and crack, the green grows. There's chalk in the deepest cracks. You take your glasses off. You don't care.

She likes your eyes.

You think you love her.

* * *

The dreams get more frequent.

You and Feferi get along fabulously, now that you're not cranky from horrorterrors. You play with your Squiddles and explore the ruby palace. She's always ready for an adventure. Sometimes you just cuddle in a big pile of stuffed animals, and that's fine, too. She asks you if you want to be moirails, and that's pretty awesome.

You wish it were real.

Because you think you love her.

* * *

You talk to your friends.

Dave and Rose have been having the same sort of dreams.

Jade is oddly quiet.

* * *

You walk around your island restlessly. You talk to Bec.

It's hard. You remember what he did. You never want to let him go. You're scared that he might leave again.

An irrational fear. There's no game, not since you won it and everything went back to normal.

Perfectly normal.

Perfect.

You start to sleep more and more every day and feel more and more empty and drained when you wake up. You never want to wake up.

You start seeing your other friends in your dreams. Karkat and Tavros and Jake and Dirk and everyone else.

Even Rose and Dave and John, the versions that remember everything.

In desperation, you start to believe they're real.

Maybe your island is the dream.

Maybe you never left the game.

These thoughts fill your mind as you step off the ledge.

* * *

Jade stops answering your messages. You aren't surprised; she had been slowly tapering off for the past year or so, ever since your thirteenth birthday. You just wish you know why she doesn't seem to like you anymore.

Maybe you just grew apart. After all, she hadn't been talking to Rose and Dave much, either.

She probably found new friends.

* * *

You tell the green silk girl you love her.

The whitedark is nearly blinding as she hugs you.

* * *

You tell the teal girl you love her.

There's a feeling of rough sandpaper and red candy. She smiles.

* * *

You tell the short grey boy you love him.

He insults you and you pull him into a hug and rub noses with him.

* * *

When you wake up, there's always a sense of loss.

You never tell anyone.

You've read enough psychology books to know that this isn't healthy, and yet…

You never want it to stop.

You just sleep.

Sleep and live.

* * *

When you wake up, there's always a sense of loss.

You don't tell your bro. He wouldn't understand.

You don't even want help.

You just sleep.

Sleep and live.

* * *

When you wake up, there's always a sense of loss.

You tell your dad and he sends you to a therapist.

It never helps.

In a way, you don't really want it to help.

You're happy, even for just a few hours.

You just sleep.

Sleep and live.

* * *

**AN: Sorry, it's kind of depressing. Oh well. Reviews are absolutely appreciated!**


End file.
